Craziness, College, and A Little Creativity.

Stephanie Wooten

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stephwooten
She unearthed a handful of sand and threw it in your eyes
She blinded you and me and her and us and
took away our voices
blocked her ears so she could not hear
closed her eyes so she did not have to see
cut out her heart
She does not feel like I do like you do like she does like we do
She does not care

You left me

I wanted to unearth a handful of sand and throw it in your eyes
I wanted to blind you
take away your voice
block my ears so I could not hear
close my eyes so I did not have to see
cut out my heart

But I left you too

I do not feel like she does I feel like I do and
I still care and will always care about you
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Writing Into Midnight
stephwooten
I am sitting at my desk, writing to the sound of Matthew snoring. My stomach hurts (I shouldn’t have eaten so much for dinner), but I am so, so happy. I cannot remember the last time I was this excited about a story. I do not know where anything is heading as of now, but that’s the fun part, right? I’ve got my pen, notebook, and motivation. I love writing. I love this moment.

Sam (Lab mix, 6 months old)
stephwooten
Because the apartment was too quiet for me to handle, and because this little guy was going to be put down at the shelter he was at, I adopted a new pup.

Meet Sam:







Sam is such a sweet dog. His previous owner surrendered him to the shelter. Sam is a bit underweight still (we are working on fattening him up) and afraid of most new people, but he is doing so, so well here. He loves chewing bones, hiding said bones in our shoes, cuddling with us on the couch and bed, stealing our pens, giving kisses, and wagging that crazy tail of his. (Note: his tail rarely stops moving, and when it goes, it's like a freaking propeller. I have been slapped around quite a bit and must admit: I love that tail! Also, his whole butt moves back and forth when he wags his tail.)

Jake
stephwooten
If you haven't already, meet Jake.



Jake is my miniature Schnauzer pup. He turned 4 years old 2 and a half weeks ago. The past few weeks we have been in and out of the vet with the Jakester. Today, we found out Jake has degenerative kidney disease. The vet told me even with fluids and antibiotics every. single. day. he won't make it any longer than a few weeks. We have to put him down. Tomorrow is spring break, and I am going to Charlotte to visit my family with Matthew. My sister has told me she wants to be there when it happens. I still cannot even believe this is real. It doesn't feel real.

I wish it weren't real.

I don't remember what life was like before Jake. He is the best dog. ever. He helps with my anxiety and wakes my roommate Kate up when she is having nightmares. He just knows things.

I love my little bear.

Hiking Pinnacle
stephwooten


Matthew and I hiked Pinnacle today. It was beautiful and scary and magnificent. I faced my fears and crossed this crazy massive rock face on the edge of the mountain and ate lunch and wrote in my journal. The hike was seven miles long (3.5 miles pretty much straight up, 3.5 miles down) and took five hours. I feel amazing right now. Exhausted, but amazing. I can't stop smiling.

February 19, 2012
stephwooten
2:38am

I go to sleep when I do to avoid the night.
Darkness, she brings the
thoughts
words
voices
sounds
she brings with her
anxiety
memories I’d rather forget
fear.
The darkness is so
loud
deafening
if hurts my

2:44am

He makes it better but we are so
hot underneath above these blankets.
I drape his arm over me and the thoughts do not
Leave, I beg with every inch of myself.
This is everything I try to avoid
I go to sleep when I do
but they still find me.

2:47am

White noise.
I am wide awake, thinking the
thoughts
words
voices
sounds
memories I’d rather forget
What if he finds me?

2:50am

No. I am safe here with him.
safe
safe
safe
safe
Don’t listen to the loud noise
deafening, it hurts my
present
future.

2:54am
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(no subject)
stephwooten
I have had one cup of coffee today. I went for a walk in the park with Matthew. We watched as my dog ran around, sniffing and peeing and smiling and drinking from the river. He is always so happy. It makes me happy. I am listening to my best friend laugh so hard she is on the verge of crying. We are leaving soon for classes. We have a philosophy class together. It is a class on Friedrich Nietzsche. His writing is beautiful. His thoughts are influential. He makes me happy. He makes me want to throw his words at the wall and ceiling and out the window. Nietzsche famously said, "God is dead." I am a Christian. I believe in God. I still like some of Nietzsche's thoughts and words. There are atheists in my class. They laugh at Christians and say rude things each class. I sit quietly, tapping my pencil against my notebook. I wish they could see that all Christians do not preach hate. Maybe I will speak up today. Maybe others will speak up too.

Today, I
stephwooten
met Matthew's grandfather, aunt, and uncle.
waited for Matthew's grandfather to remember names, places, things.
ate a lot of good food.
drank coffee.
drank hot chocolate.
wanted to cry for no reason at all.
laughed.
went for a hike through the forest and watched and listened to the river run alongside us.
did laundry.
read for African American Literature.
talked to my mother.
talked to my sister.
wanted to cry again for her and them because her troubles never stop.
took my dog for a walk.
hugged, kissed, snuggled with him.
loved.

I'm Back!
stephwooten
Hello everybody!

Classes are beginning again, and I am writing again, and I am running again. The world is back in motion.

I am almost always smiling.

I am happy.

My roommate is beside me playing on her Kindle Fire, and Jake the pup is asleep in his chair across from us. I have coffee, I have my bag packed and ready to go, and I have an hour and a half of writing time this morning.

Ahhhh... happy happy happy.

:-)

I hope you all have a beautiful day.

What Would the Trees Say If They Could Speak?
stephwooten
What would the trees say if they could speak?
Would they whisper their secrets into our ears?
Would they tell us their worries?
Dreams?
Do they have dreams?
Would they speak of the ones who came before us,
And tell us not to worry.
What would the trees say if they could speak?

What would the grass say if it could talk?
Would it tell us to step off?
Or would it say, "Carry on."
That we're stronger than we seem.
Would it talk to the trees?
The flowers,
The weeds?
What would the grass say if it could talk?

Sometimes I think maybe the trees can speak.
The trees, the grass, the flower, the leaves.
They speak to us all.
Maybe they are always speaking.
Maybe
We're just not listening.

-Stephanie Cheryl Wooten
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